Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Monday, August 1, 2011

Safari In Georgia? See for Yourself

Hubs and I went on a short anniversary trip to Callaway Gardens this past weekend. While away we stopped of at a safari here in Georgia. Yes I know it sounds lame and we thought it might be a dud too. But we're getting old and wild animals sticking their heads in our car sounded like a bit of a thrill. We went for it! I'm sharing some of the excitement with you today.

[caption id="attachment_1646" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Love this photo of my babe and me."][/caption]

 




[caption id="attachment_1648" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Zebra wishing he could have more food."][/caption]



[caption id="attachment_1651" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="We steered clear of this steer."][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1652" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Some kind of bull with horns that turned up."][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1653" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="My favorite baby in the whole place."][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1654" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Three little pigs."][/caption]

Ok so I guess after looking at the pics it looks to you more like a drive thru farm/safari than a wild safari right? Well there was the giraffe and the zebra you saw them and an ostrich which I did not post. And there was an element of danger with that big steer, bull animal coming at us! And the deer and other cows and stuff trying to eat our hands. And the drool was so gross and the big tongues, you did see the big tongues right?! Also what you haven't seen yet is the Walk About part. The animals were all caged but there were tigers and lions and bears oh my! I have pics to prove it.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

The Man Next To Me





This week's prompt for RemembeRed asked us to write about a time that rhythm, or a lack thereof, played a role in your life. And don’t use the word “rhythm.” I'm not really a poet but I like to give it a shot once in a while. Concrit welcomed.



The man next to me is strong, virile and mine,

In his slumber he breathes in and out, slow and loud

I bind my ears with my own hands to silence the sound

But he is next to me, strong, virile and mine.





The man next to me is tall, dark and handsome

He sleeps so deeply he knows nothing of me

Head covered by plush pillows I cannot see

But he is next to me tall, dark and handsome.





The man next to me labors hard to provide

His eyes close at the door of day’s end

Mouth opens and out comes an ear shattering wind

But the man next to me labors hard to provide.





The man next to me is friend, lover and spouse

But tonight I’ve rolled him over, to the door and out of the house.





Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Tackle and Tampons



In sixth grade my class spent a lot of time playing football on the playground. Our teacher supervised and almost insisted we take part. So at the age of twelve I learned to play a mean game of football.

One day at school I wasn’t feeling my best, a little puny because I had gotten “my monthly friend” as some of the mothers of the 1960’s and 70’s liked to call “it”.  In no way did I associate it with friendship. At  twelve  I had to learn to deal with a whole new lifestyle for one week out of every month. Dresses, skirts or pants with long tops were my wardrobe because I wasn’t allowed to wear tampons.  My only alternative was the bulky pads.  The pads were so big I was certain they could be spotted from a mile away if anybody walked behind me in the hall.  I never really knew if my attempt to camouflage was successful but after that day it didn't really matter anyway.

Although I didn't feel well, I gave into peer pressure and joined the game. Little did I know there would be an unexpected twist put on the game that day. The teacher whom I loved, up until that day, decided we’d play tackle because the boys had begged for so long. The game was on but with the stipulation that we would not be rough and if anyone got hurt the game would be over.

Our class was split and the two teams went head to head.  When my team was on the offense someone threw a pass and I caught it. I was wearing pants that day so I ran pretty fast and free. However out of nowhere a guy from the other team tackled me! Down we went, I fumbled the ball, the other team got it and scored a touchdown. As bad as that was, nothing compared to the feeling of humiliation I felt when the guy who tackled me said out loud, “Hey Julie, what was that big, fat thing between your legs?” Apparently his hand ended up between my legs when he tackled me.

I don’t recall my answer.  But the incident is engraved on my mind to this day and that's a good sign it traumatized me in some way.

I went home that afternoon and begged my mom for tampons. She finally obliged.

This written for a prompt from The Red Dress Club. Take us back to an embarrassing moment in your life. Did someone embarrass you, your parents perhaps? Or did you bring it upon  yourself?Are you still embarrassed or can you laugh at it now?

Friday, June 17, 2011

Most Embarrassing Moment in Church

As I got ready for church I looked in the mirror and thought, “Well you’re lookin’ pretty good ole gal.”  Beautiful? Maybe not, pretty, yeah, I’ll settle for that. My black and white paisley skirt, black shirt and silver belt were looking sharp on my 5’2 and one half inch body. I looked as slim as pudgy
could get, which is what I strive for with every outfit I put on my body.

Once at church I went to Lifegroup, that’s the new word for Sunday School, and then stopped off by the restroom.  As I stood at the sink checking to make sure I still looked “pretty”, a few friends came in and we talked a few moments. One of those sweet ladies was an avid reader of my blog and she told me how much she enjoyed my posts. Ahh this was a good day so far….

As I sauntered toward the sanctuary passing a multitude of people (male and female) in the
hallway, confidence and joy exuded from me. It had been a great morning with study, family, and friends and I looked forward to a good sermon from the pastor.



But you know how it feels when you know someone is watching you? I kinda felt this way so I began adjusting my black shirt and as I walked a little further I noticed my leg felt strange. Cold,
drafty... I reached around to the back of my leg and discovered to my horror my skirt was caught up in my panties! Well, all I could do at that point was pull it out and keep going.  As much as I
wanted to I did not look back to see who might have seen my pink panties, my upper thigh and whatever else was hanging out back there.

Once seated in the huge sanctuary of a few thousand my mind began to race.

1-Who could have seen my display?

2-Why didn't my friends in the bathroom notice? Or did they...?  Were they really my friends?!

3- Thank goodness I decided not to wear my full Spanx underwear.

4- Thank goodness I don't wear thongs. It might have terrified the whole crowd.

5- Why didn't anyone tell me my skirt was neatly tucked in my underwear as I made my way down the hall?

I really didn't hear too much of the first part of the service. Actually I felt a little self-conscious wondering who, if anybody seated around me saw my butt. Off and on throughout the service my
thoughts went back to this "mishap". I hurriedly left the church after the service. There was no sauntering; no confidence, no joy, no feeling pretty, and the thought did run through my mind, “Pride comes before a fall, in my case pride comes before a “tuck”.

Written for a prompt from The Red Dress Club. Show us how physical beauty can open doors or close them.  How can it make a positive or negative  impact?

Hey stop by my other blog Gracefullwomen and read my newest post What Do Women Want. Don't you want to know?