Celebrating Togetherness Through Big Brother TV

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I'm a reality TV fan. Is that sad or what? However it promotes camaraderie between The Train and myself. He watches Big Brother 13 and Survivor with me. It's amazing how reality TV brings us together and makes for great conversation.

Train: Hey I watched a fight on YouTube between Shelly and Jordan today. Wonder if they'll show it tonight?

Me: Oh I want to see it. I hope they do. Well if they don't I can see it on Youtube too.

Train: I saw an interview with Jeff after he got kicked out of the house. Connie asked him why he thought he got voted out. He said, "Cause I'm Big Jeff." He was joking but I hate it when he refers to himself in the first person.

Me: I do to. It's weird. Did he say why he really thought they got rid of him?

Train: He thinks they're all jealous of his success playing the game.

Then the two of us settled down and watched another episode and I actually got to see the fight between Shelly and Jordan, the fight between Shelly and Jeff. And the fight between Shelly and Adam. Wow was there anybody Shelly wasn't fighting with or lying to last night? Nope not really.

But we love it that Porsche is stepping up her game just like Jeff told her to. If you don't watch or missed it Jeff put Porsche on the block and said he did it to give her the chance to play the game insinuating she'd not been playing up til then. Hey Hey Jeff she played well bud when she won the Power of Veto and left you on the block instead of using it on you. Even under your intimidation and prodding she stood her ground.

Then we watched as Porsche also won Head of Household this week but released Pandora's Box on the house. Although she won $5000 it brought back pairs. Pairs will play the game together, win and lose together for one week. Bad, bad timing for this to come into play.

Celebrating today time with my honey. Love is full of surprises and I never thought I'd see the day I would watch 26 episodes of National Geographic documentaries about WW2. And. Like. It. Even more surprising is the Train enjoying Big Brother with me! God does work in mysterious ways doesn't He?

Only In His Mind...

As he lay in the hospital bed I watched as he drew in a deep breath as if he was smoking a cigarette. I had seen him do this thousands of times over the years, but this was a hallucination. The pain medication had taken him to a place he loved, a place of indulgence with cigarettes, beer, and all his favorite food. His imagination took him there because he had not been allowed to go for weeks since his colon ruptured.

My father was a strong, virile man, my hero. When this awful tragedy happened I watched as he became a weak, frail man who didn’t know the world around him. And this day he was no different. He was enjoying his imaginary game so I played right along.

“Hey can you get me a chocolate milkshake?” I shook my head and said,” Are you sure about that?” He took another long draw from his Winston and said, “Oh yeah, it will feel good on my throat, I’m so thirsty.” Knowing he could not have anything pass between his lips I told a lie, something I didn’t do very often to my daddy, “Ok, next time I go to McDonald’s I’ll bring back a chocolate milkshake.” That seemed to satisfy for the moment and he replied, “Thanks sweetie and how bout gettin’ me another pack of cigarettes too?”

When I left his room that day I did not know it would be the last conversation I would have with him. The next day he was put into a drug induced coma and passed away a week later. He is in heaven waiting on me now.

We found two cigarette butts in his heavy marble ashtray at home. I keep them in a Ziploc bag, in a box, in my closet, in my mind, in my heart…




This was originally written as a response for The Red Dress Club but I am submitting it today for a new prompt from The Dare To Share link up Loss over at the The Lightening and the Lightening Bug.

Set Free

Dark, nothingness, self destruction.

Help, love, acceptance.

Hope, confidence, wholeness.

Celebration! LIFE! Freedom!



Prompt from my friends at  Write on Edge. Great challenge to write a story in a tweet. 140 characters.

Mother/Daughter Look Alike

The lovely Fox (daughter) and I took a trip to Charleston in July. We wanted to see if we looked alike so we took some crazy pics of ourselves. this is the result of the best time we've ever had together! This is also Day 2 of Shamelessness, Act A Fool.

I know feet aren't something everybody likes to look at but I like nice looking feet. These are nice feet don't you think?

 Here we did our eyes. Similar in many ways huh? Even the shape of our eyebrows. The Fox can raise one eyebrow higher than the other when she laughs real hard or smiles real big. I can't do that.

Trying for noses here. We knew they were very different before we took the pic because she has her daddy's nose only it's more womanly,,, does that make sense?

Now I know we don't look very smart here but we were trying to see if our lips were the same. I'm not sure if there's a resemblence because it's hard to tell with all the puckering going on.

Hands. I love hands. However after viewing this pic I discover just how wrinkled my hands are. So I am in a regular routine of handcare now. I'll take another pic in a few weeks and we'll see if they have improved.

After a very long day of touring Charleston and acting crazy with the camera the giggles took over and I could not stop laughing. Then The Fox got started and this was the result. We're pretty good with a camera don't you think. I mean in hysterics and still taking pics!

So do you think we look alike? Do your kids look like you?

I Didn't Know She Knew

This is my response to a  prompt from Write on Edge. I have several memories that I could have written about but most I can't put on paper at this time. This is the one I felt I needed to write about for now.

This week we asked you to explore your worst memory.

What was it? How did it affect you? What would you have done differently, if anything? We wanted you to imagine the act of writing it would free you from it.
Some of you have memories too personal to share. We understand, and we are grateful for those who are sharing with us.We are a supportive community here, and I am sure that will continue as we read and comment on your pieces.

She told me she remembered. I didn’t know she knew.

My daughter shared with me about the time she sat outside the bathroom door crying. Me, I was inside in a bathtub full of water. The door locked, the water hot, the steam billowing up, the mirror fogged.

I longed for another place and time. I wasn’t sure where that place and time was but I didn’t want to be there.

I longed to disappear into the air just like the steam. Invisibility would be best for me.

How heartbroken I was the day she told me she knew why I was in that room of despair and defeat.

I admitted that her fear was real. I did not want to go on. I lay in that tub contemplating if I could actually do it. Time lingered on and she said she waited. She knocked. I don’t remember. She asked me if she could come in. I don’t remember. Memory slips during depression. I do remember  why I didn't do it. She and her little brother were my reason for living.

My little girl was frightened she would lose her mommy that day and I was unaware of it. The memory of that day is vague but the memory of her tears as she recalled how scared she was at the time is fresh in my mind and heart. I am sorry for the pain I caused but I am thankful she finally shared it with me just a few years ago. We found opening up, being real and transparent is when healing begins.

My beautiful daughter is now 27 years old, a middle school teacher and in the process of working on her doctorate two nights a week. I am proud of what she has accomplished but I am in awe of who she is becoming. And I know hard experiences like this one helped make her the strong, compassionate woman she is today.

As for me I have found my identity and finally realized God's love for me is real and alive inside my soul. This is the truth that makes me whole. Does depression ever creep up on me sometimes? Yes but I know truth. I take meds. I have friends and family who know where I've been, some have been there too, and they accept me anyway. This keeps me sane.

30 Days of Shamelessness, a challenge from Lance My Blog Can Beat Up Your Blog.

I am not ashamed that I like the television show Little House on the Prairie. It was one of my favorites growing up.

Me, brother, Mama and Daddy would eat dinner and gather in the living room for television almost every night. My brother and I laid two kitchen chairs down with the backs propped up like a ladder and used then as a contraption to lay on in the floor. No remote in those days kept one of us close to the TV set so we could change it to one of the 7 local channels. If my memory serves correct Channel 2 hosted Little House on the Prairie.

 I loved Mary Ingalls. As a child I thought she was  beautiful with her blond hair and blue eyes, a far cry from my mousy brown hair and hazel eyes. She inspired me for many years as she became blind, got married, became a teacher, had a baby, lost the baby and still carried on through crisis after crisis.

I might have been in love with Charles Ingalls for a few years. He was gorgeous, strong and took wonderful care of his family. I always saw him as the hero all the years I watched. And I saw him cry. When Charles cried I cried. It never failed. That man could bring me to tears then an can bring me to tears now as I watch reruns. I love him still.

Although Laura was the main character of the show and I liked her somewhat she just never floated my boat. I'm not a tomboy type and she was. She could be on the whiny side and I don't like whiny, unless it's me that's whiny. One thing I did enjoy was her relationship with Pa. It reminded me of my relationship with my dad. He would have done anything to protect his little girl and she loved him to the ends of the earth. Same with me and my dad. I miss him.

Nellie, Willie, and Mrs Olson I disliked  because even as a child I could not stand to see the materially privileged hold their wealth over the heads of the less fortunate. Truth is the Ingalls were more fortunate in many ways as they had love, acceptance, truth, faith, kindness and real true heart. They never even knew they were missing anything. Where love abounds there is wholeness.

OK so I like Little House On the Prairie and I am not ashamed of it. What are some of your old favorites? Come now don't be ashamed tell me.

Wedding Day with a Glitch or Two

Link up from Flicker of Inspiration from Chicken Noodle Gravy

The Hound’s wedding day was a success. However there were a few glitches.

1-     I forgot to order the bride’s bouquet. Luckily after a few phone calls I found a florist who said she could have it done by 3:30. Awesome! The wedding was at 4:30.

2-     As I was blow drying my hair at 2:45ish I got a phone call. On the other end was my hubby. The conversation went something like this:

You’ll never guess what happened?

Don’t tell me you had a flat tire!

How did you know? I did. I saw a big piece of metal in the road and ran over it.

Why?

I didn’t mean to run over it! Anyway I’m on the side of the road. I’m gonna try to make it on time.

What! You better make it on time. I’ll come get you if I have to, no I can’t I have to get to the florist first and get the bouquet….

3-     Understand the wedding is at 4:30. I am frantically trying to remember what I am supposed to be doing while blow drying my hair and praying, “Please God get him there, get him there.” He got there.

4-     3:40 The Hound, The Bride and me jump in the car and head to the florist. We make it on time, grab the bouquet and head to the courthouse.

5-     4:00 I talk to my sister-in-law and she tells me the courthouse I planned on going to was not in the place I thought it was. This is a common thing that happens to me often. She gave me directions.

6-     4:03 I am flipping out again. My sense of direction is not "on target" so I am questioning where I am going and whether I will get there by 4:30.

7-     4:06 The Fox calls wanting directions and because I am so frantic I’m not sure I even know where it is so I can’t tell her. She freaks out, “Its 4:06 and you can’t tell me where to go to see my brother get married?!” After a few choice words between us we hung up. I called hubby and had him deal with the irate Fox.

8-     4:20 We pull in to the parking lot, go inside, have a seat and wait to be called.

9-     Finally we are called. We go into an empty courtroom and find the judge waiting to get started.

10-  The Hound and The Bride stand before a very kind judge who performs a perfect ceremony that ends with a heartfelt prayer.

The courtroom became a warm family gathering celebrating a wonderful couple who intend to spend eternity together. We could not have asked for a more perfect wedding than this one. It was God given and God ordained.

I am thankful that He can turn frantic into calm, cold into warmth, harried into peace and time into more time. I’m thankful He can take a woman who forgets to do last minute things and make her messes right.

The wedding was small, intimate and beautiful and that’s just the way it was supposed to be. Pompoms are in order here.

Prayer for Growth and Change

Dear God,
There comes a time when I have to realize some people just don't change. Some of us don't even think we need to change. I find it a shame that we can't see there is always room to grow, always room to love people a little more.

I believe if we ever get to the point when we think we've come as far as we can it is detrimental to our overall growth. Whether it be physical, spiritual, mental or emotional we get stagnant and it effects us in more ways than one.

Relationships can't grow if I refuse to forgive, accept, or love. If I am selfish and won't take the time to invest in other people then in the end what will I have left.

I have looked at the example of Jesus many times and He loved, forgave and accepted people right where they were. If they needed a kind word or deed He was willing to give. He gave so unselfishly to everyone around Him. He gave unselfishly to the world when He took all the horrible sin, disease, hate, unforgiveness, selfishness, self-serving acts of all the world on Himself.

Looking at myself I have to ask "Am I willing to love unselfishly?"
"Am I willing to put the interest of others before my own?"

Certainly in my own flesh the answer is a loud "No." I admit that to You Father.

But praise Jesus that when He came to reside in me as my life I don't have to be selfish, I can give all in His strength. When I am willing to allow Him to be love through me I find I can do it rather easily because Your precious Son said in Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

When I give Him my burdens, sin, sandpaper people, hard circumstances, and selfishness I will find He takes those burdens and gives me rest.

I do not want to stay the same. I want to grow more every day. Thank You Father that You have given me a way to do that.

How about you? Do you want to grow and change or are you happy where you are right now?

Today's Prayer: Son is Getting Married

Dear God,
The Hound is getting married tomorrow. What an amazing thing to be happening to my baby. Yes I know You have told me to let him grow up and I am seriously trying. Is this what you meant? To make him stop needing me anymore and start depending on another woman.

Yahoooo! Celebrate good times come on!(I'm singing) My pompoms are flying high!

Seriously it probably won't change much but maybe just maybe she'll get some of the whining and she'll have to look into those big sad eyes when he wants her to do something. Giving in to him will be the only thing she can do and she will. Then she will be mad cause she didn't have the guts to tell him no! Ahhh it's her turn.

Yes I have raised a spoiled young man but he has a good heart and a bit of ambition. He's looking for his dream but hasn't quite found it. I know You're leading him. I can relate because I'm only just finding mine. We are in fact a lot alike as I am spoiled too. But I'm 47 years old for crying out loud, don't I have the right to be spoiled after all those years of spoiling two kids?

Now that he's getting married there may be grand kids in my future. Don't You agree I need to rest up for more spoiling. I hear it's a lot of work when it comes to those grands. So with The Hound hitched and The Fox out on her own I'll recuperate from all those years of hard work and get ready for another round.

Thank you God for the opportunity to have kids to spoil, for kids that are finding their way, and for the blessing that The Hound has found a good godly woman. More than that thanks for the love and grace You share with me every day. You are quite the awesome One.

Hip Hip Hooray!

It's my first post to Pics, Prayers and Pompoms! I'm excited to finally have a blog dedicated to photos and encouragement. There's no telling what I'll come up with here.
For now I'm just going to start and post a few pics from my trip to Charleston South Carolina with my Daughter who I so lovingly refer to as The Fox. My son I call The Hound and hubs is The Train. Here goes....

OK so I'm an architectural fanatic. I took so many pics of buildings and homes it was really sad but I can see so much beauty in the structure and colors. I am particularly fond of old decaying buildings such as barns and shacks. I'm not sure why I like this kind of stuff but that's me and I'll give myself a high five if nobody else will.