Friday, September 16, 2011

Rachel's Grace

Your assignment this week from Write on Edge was to write a piece where you explore the first broken heart for your character – or for you. You can read the beinning of this Science Fiction story here and here.

 Just for a little background: Rachel lives on planet Aster. She wonders if there is life elsewhere. in the universe because her life on Aster is so horrible. Before her father was murdered he told her the secrets that might lead her to this another world.  Rachel doesn't remember all the details but intends on finding out.

Alec, the villian, has made Rachel as one of his wives and impregnated her as an experiment. The details of the experiment have not been disclosed yet. Mason is the man she loves but he cannot get to her because Alec keeps close guard. Today we find Rachel giving birth to her precious baby girl whom she has already named Grace in Part 2.

The operating room was cold, sterile, steel, white and lonely. Rachel lay there lethargic. How long had she been here? She heard Alec say,” Do a C-Section I don’t want any harm to come to the infant.”

Doctors, nurses behind masks, mumbling, murmuring. “She’s a fine specimen.” “Take some blood now before the subject goes to infant care.”
These weren’t words referring to her beautiful Grace. Grace isn’t a specimen, a subject, she’s a baby! Rachel couldn’t get the words out. She could not speak.

A cry, a baby’s cry! Oh Grace you made it!
Tears of joy streaming,
arms aching to hold,
 eyes waiting to see.
More murmuring,”Looks healthy and passed all the initial testing.”  Then she heard Alec’s voice again,” Go ahead and take her to infant care, categorize her, and on the birth certificate make sure I am listed as the father leave the mother blank… for now.

Rachel lay there screaming in her mind, “I’m her mother! No don’t take her, let me hold her. She’s my little girl! Please God make them bring her back.”

In a few moments Alec came over to the table holding a bundle in a white blanket. “Do you want to hold the infant?” Rachel nodded her head with slight movement. Alec placed Grace in her arms.
She looked into the eyes of 
the love of her life,
her forever love
love that fills emptiness,

And then she was gone

Blogger's note: This is the third part to a science fiction story I began writing in July. Grace does not die she is being taken away by the villian in the story Alec. You can read the Part 1 and Part 2 at the links listed at the beginning of the post. Go ahead and try it, I think it'll spark your interest.


Flying high in the sky.... said...

oh god........ what was that as the ending..... change it please.. i did not feel comfortable :( teary....

Julie Moore said...

if you go back and read the other two you can see Alec is a terror.

Amy L. said...

Pretty horrible. But it does happen.

Emily @ My Pajama Days said...

arrrggghhh!!! I know I am supposed to hate Alec, and I do, so good job. But there was a tinge of pain remembering that The Tortoise was whisked away to NICU after delivery. It was 24 hours before I got to hold her. Moms can relate.

Julie Moore said...

Thanks Em. Can't wait to see what you've got today.

Galit Breen said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
The Drama Mama said...

I know this pain, and wow, it hurts my heart to realize that for Rachel it is an involuntary separation.

I have done a lot of reading today, and this is the first one that has actually brought tears to my eyes.

I love that you are still working on this sci Fi story! It's coming along so well.

Julie Moore said...

Thanks so much Drama Mama you made my day.

Galit thanks for your wonderful comment encouraging me to continue with my Sci Fi writing. Unfortunately no one will read it because I accidentally deleted it. My computer is so sensitive!

Katie @ Chicken Noodle Gravy said...

Julie, this is a really excellent continuation of what is shaping up to be a really great story. I love the characterization you've so successfully given Alec. He really is despicable! And that last line...heartbreak, indeed!

Not Just Another Mother Blogger! said...

So...Rachel gets well and kills Alec in his sleep?

I didn't get to hold my boy for a bit while he was in the NICU and I was in ICU, but his father took lots of cell phone pictures for me. So I REALLY hate this Alec character!

That's the point, right?

Julie Moore said...

Yep that's the point. He's a real bad guy. You don't even have a clue what he's capable of doing.

Kathleen Basi said...

I like the variation on heartbreak...I mean, it's horrible, but the creative thinking is good.

Lance said...

great character in Alec...

I like how manipualtion is a character too.

good job, Julie. I'm hooked.

Tomekha said...

Oh no! :( Oh my goodness, my heart aches for Rachel...I really hope she can find her baby and get away from Alec and find happiness. #sosad